choose to love

My man surprised me with a dozen red roses today!  That may not come as a huge shock, given the fact that it is Valentine’s Day after all, and a bouquet of red roses is a traditional gift of choice on such an occasion…  But the reason why it was unexpected is because he is half-way around the world right now!  And I’m really not sure how he coordinated that with the florist here in town: perhaps over the phone? Or maybe in person before he left town? I don’t know the details yet as to how he pulled it off!  

But really, though I am very curious, the “how” isn’t as important as the “why”.  And I know that he arranged for today’s special delivery because he loves me.  Not that he needs to send me roses in order to prove his affection, but he did it because he knows that I know that he loves me and he knows that I really, really like red roses.  So, he made me feel extra-special today!

This is a day when couples around the world celebrate the love they share for each other.  And I don’t think anyone who has ever been in love would deny that the warm, fuzzy, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling is great, amazing, wonderful!  

It is so easy and natural to be loving to those who are showing us love, those who “deserve” or “earn” our affection, those who love us back. But what happens when things change as a couple? When there are misunderstandings, disagreements, arguments? When silence or indifference divides us?  When the other person is being “unlovable”?  

That is when true love shows its colors.  “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).  

True love says, “When I said ‘til death due us part’ I meant it.  I am going to stay by your side as a companion, a helper, a lover, and a friend, speaking words of life and encouragement, through every season we encounter together.  And I will make a special effort to keep that promise most completely in those seasons when I do not feel those warm fuzzy feelings, when you seem to not need or want my love, when you aren’t showing me affection, because I know that is actually when you need me by your side the most.”

Love is so much more than a feeling; it is a sacred choice.  It is deciding to not just reward good behavior with affection, but to give affection when it is not even merited.  It is choosing to not selfishly think about what I should get out of the relationship and how I deserve to be treated, but rather to focus on how I can serve and bless him.  And the truly amazing thing is that, when I choose to love in the hard times, the warm, fuzzy feelings actually do come back, and are much deeper and longer-lasting than the superficial emotions that are driven away at the first sign of trouble.  

You may say, “But I can’t love him when he doesn’t deserve it!   I know he’s not a bad guy and he’s not trying to hurt me, but sometimes he just makes me so mad, frustrated, disappointed, hurt… And I can’t pretend like I have something to give when I haven’t received anything.” 

That is very true: you cannot give if you’re empty, no matter how much you may want to.  Thankfully, there’s a way to fill up your tank whenever you are feeling low, by going to the Source of love:

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners [not deserving his love at all!], Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). 

A marriage cemented in that never-ending love tank is being built to endure, through God’s grace. 

So, yes, today I received a bouquet of beautiful, sweet-smelling red roses that made my day!  I am so grateful for a sweet hubby who chooses to show me God’s unconditional love.  Happy Valentine’s Day, mi vida!  And now, to fill the remaining 321 days of the year with love too…