12 phrases moms use... translated for our friends without kids

Friends, the transition to motherhood can be exciting and wonderful, and yet is also complex. One of the hard things as first-time moms (or with each new baby) is the way this new stage affects our relationships with friends who aren't currently moms of young children. Usually those friends are really excited for us and love being around our babies & older children, but the truth is that our relationship has been been altered to a certain degree, at least temporarily.... We would love to be able to address that well, but since it's such an emotional time as a mom, it can be hard to communicate clearly what we are feeling, what we need and what we'd like.

So, sometimes as moms we say things that aren't quite understood the way we convey them. Other times, we mean exactly what is understood, but it's hard for the other person to believe that if she hasn't experienced it. I came up with twelve examples of these statements, so why not have one representing each proverbial month in the first year after a baby is born?  Not that these are limited in any way to that first year nor are they in any particular order nor is there any good reason for having twelve of them, but hey, any opportunity to practice our calendar knowledge is a good one, right? (OK, the homeschool mom thing spilled over a bit, huh? 😉) Anyway, at the risk of over-generalizing based on my own experience, here are several common mom phrases and the most likely explanations, for our friends:

January: "Excuse the mess!" - Well, actually, I cleaned the whole house (the visible areas at least) right before you got here: this included removing encrusted globs of toothpaste from the sink, wiping and disinfecting various unidentifiable substances off of the bathroom floor and surrounding areas, checking if there was toilet paper and a relatively clean hand towel available (that would be a negative on both counts, so I had to locate them), removing stacks of papers and craft supplies that were piled on the dining room table, folding & putting away three laundry baskets worth of clean clothes on the couch (or, alternatively, moving said baskets into my room, because out of sight, out of mind, right?), supervising the putting away of hundreds of toys & books by silly monkey children, vacuuming up approximately a million crumbs and random food-related substances throughout the living room & dining room, washing two heaping sinks-full of dishes (which is less than a day's worth in this household!)... along with another random 10 things that came up at the last moment and needed to get taken care of... And all of this got done in 30 minutes! (If your reaction to this last part was, "Well, you could have started earlier in the day with the tidying up so as not to rush and thus get more done!", I am going to assume that you don't have young children because at least in my house things don't stay clean and organized for more than an hour max, except when the kids are sleeping!)  So, when I say, "excuse the mess", what I really mean is "This is as good as it gets and I really hope it doesn't bother you!"  And yes, technically I could leave my house "as is" when you come over, but a) that would be embarrassing, b) there wouldn't much space for visiting and the mess would be distracting, and c) having company is my motivation to clean up! 👍💪 Because let's face it: it's hard to be gung ho about cleaning and organizing when I know it will all be for naught within minutes... (Now, in my defense, this isn't always the case: sometimes my house is fairly orderly and relatively clean for longer periods of time. I do like keeping it that way and the kids really enjoy helping with chores. But there are weeks and then there are weeks, especially the first few months with a newborn...)

February: "It's not a bother to have the meeting at my house!" - After seeing how complicated tidying up is with kids, you may be wondering how this statement could possibly be true. Well, it is, honest! First, because, as I said in the previous point, having guests provides the much-needed "atta girl!" to get into a clean-up mode which otherwise seems pointless. Second, because I really want to be a part of that meeting, and it's just hard to get out and about with the kids or else find someone who can watch them so I can go elsewhere. Third, because it's good for the kids and I to have a change in house dynamics and get out of our everyday routine (sometimes they're actually calmer and get along better when we have people over!). And fourth, because I NEED to have a conversation with other adults!! It doesn't matter if it's about business or ministry or just a social gathering, I really don't care! So please don't say, "Let's not bother her... She's too busy with the kids" without asking me first, because chances are, I'd love to be involved! Sometimes I just need to sit down (or stand holding a baby) with other grown-ups and converse with about something other than table manners or superheroes or body secretions... Which leads right into:

March: "Cleaning up _______ [insert name of oozing bodily fluid] doesn't even faze me anymore." Seriously, it doesn't. I've become immune to the grossing out power of drool, breastmilk, boogers, pee, poop, blood, vomit... I can even talk about any the above while eating! So... If I've ever had that kind of conversation with you during a meal, I deeply apologize for the impropriety! I didn't do it to purposefully bother you or to show off my iron-clad stomach, it's just a part of normal life for me and I forget what it was like to have boundaries between bodily secretions and social conversations! 😉

April: "Thanks, but I still don't feel like myself..." - This has been my typical response to a post-birth comment such as, "You look great!" or "You don't look like you just had a baby!"  I do really appreciate the compliment and understand where it's coming from, as over the years I have said similar things to friends after their babies were born... And in replying that I don't feel great, I'm not feigning modesty. I really don't feel great: my insides are still not back to normal, I'm dealing with some issues I wasn't expecting (see this previous post for a few of those), it feels weird to not have a baby inside anymore, I'm still struggling to lose the baby weight several months (or years) after giving birth... I know it's not the end of the world, I know I need to be patient with myself, I know growing a baby is a huge thing and stuff isn't going to just snap back into place right away, but it's still frustrating sometimes. And occasionally, when I hear "Oh, you look fine though!", it sounds to me like, "No one expects you actually get back in shape...ever... So don't sweat it!", which is more discouraging than helpful...  However, I know that's not the intention! I'm just filtering comments (even nice ones) through my tired Mommy ears, which leads us to:

May: "I'm doing pretty well! Been a little tired lately, though..." - And by "lately" I mean the past 8 years in my case... Yes, my kids do sleep through the night (for the most part, except when they have nightmares or are sick/teething/too hot/too cold/sleep-walking...). But, I don't go to sleep right away when they do, because that's when my hubby and I get to have an actual conversation or watch a grown-up movie or snuggle or eat a special dinner or just check social media in beautiful silence.... And even when we do go to bed, it takes me a while to fall asleep because I'm unintentionally going through my mental to-do list for the next day, and then I wake up a couple times in the night because one of the kids coughs or talks in their sleep or I need to make sure the bedrooms are warm enough or I'm just awake because it's hard to turn off the mommy brain... 🤔 But that's the life stage I'm in right now, and it's fine. I'm used to it! Yes, I was the person who needed 8 or 9 straight hours of sleep, but then I became a mom and I don't need that anymore. Yes, it would be nice. But it's not realistic right now, and that's OK. I know it's hard to fathom sleeping only 6 hours all broken up on a regular basis and still being functional and able to multi-task for weeks, months, years on end... Trust me, I was the one a decade ago saying, "I could NEVER function like that!!" when I saw my friends as new moms. And yet, here I am! And though I am tired on a regular basis, I am not a victim or trying to be a downer by communicating that. This is the way life is right now, and I really am doing pretty well most days overall! (Just ignore the dark circles under my eyes and the inside-out t-shirt!)

June: "Sorry I haven't been in touch well lately... Life's been a bit crazy!" - Yes, it really has been. Not bad crazy, but maybe unable-to-fathom-having-a-calm-and-meaningful-converstion-on-the-phone crazy. Messaging is easier, in theory, because I can do that spread out over whatever time I am able to. However, sometimes it gets complicated because a) I might be too tired to type anything coherent or b) I'd worry that you'd answer back right away with something I should respond to and it would take me a long time to answer, even though you'd get confirmation that I received and read the message almost immediately, so then you'd think I was avoiding answering you or something... Maybe you wouldn't actually think that, but one of the products of perpectual tiredness is extra sensitivity in some areas and the tendency to assume things. 😒😁 And yet:

July: "No, I'm not too busy to talk!" - I probably won't call you, unless I absolutely have to for something, because like I said it seems complicated to carry on a conversation and if we get interrupted I'll feel like I'm wasting your time... However, if YOU call me and I pick up and say I can talk, it means just that: I can talk! It doesn't mean I'm not doing anything; in fact, I might be cooking while doing laundry while spoon-feeding a baby while checking homework while refereeing a sibling fight while mentally adding things to the shopping list. But I can still talk! Because though I was not at all an efficient multi-tasker prior to motherhood, now I am an expert! 💪(Well, maybe not an "expert" yet, but definitely much further along in the world of multi-tasking abilities.) Now, if you call and I say, "I'm not doing anything right now", that probably means that I'm only nursing the baby or trying to catch up on emails, because actually "doing nothing" is a physical impossibility at this point. However, if I answer that I am too busy or simply don't answer the phone when you call, don't assume that I'm brushing you off or ignoring you. The most likely scenario is that I am completely overwhelmed physically, mentally or emotionally and seriously CANNOT answer or formulate coherent sentences. (Well, the not-answering-the-phone scenario might also mean that it's charging in the other room and silenced, because loudly ringing phones tend to disrupt quiet nap time when they happen, so I didn't even hear it ringing...)

August: "I'm jealous you're able to do that." - This could be applied to anything from: going on an exotic adventure, to a spontaneous date with your significant other, to sleeping in, to grocery shopping by yourself, to taking a long, hot shower or bath whenever you feel like it...😩😜 Now, by saying I'm 'jealous' I'm not saying, "Woe is me, the poor victim!" I know I chose this life, this current stage is normal and I am content with it (most of the time!). I'm not wishing away my kids or responsibilities; some days I just long for the ability to be spontaneous or relax in a quiet place devoid of Disney songs... (I never though I'd live to see the day that I'd voice that desire!). But, the time will come when the kids will have grown up and I'll have more freedom and my house will be calmer, and then I'll miss this noise. So I'm trying to enjoy it (as I shared in this Ode to Motherhood). And I hope you enjoy your freedom now, because your time is probably coming one day too... 😁

September: "Girl time!! I really have no preference where we go!" - 100% honesty here! Hey, if I'm able to get some time with you, my friend, away from the kids and the house because my hubby or a babysitter has that covered, I'd be happy to go anywhere! You just pick a spot, and I'll be totally fine with it! Seriously, we could sit & talk in a parking lot and it would still be a grand time! Because the definition of fun and relaxation changes after kids... 😂

October: "It gets easier the more kids you have..." - I know it doesn't seem to  make logical sense, especially if you don't have any kids or are a first-time mom, but it's true! The easiest transitions for us were from two to three kids and from three to four kids. Yes, there are new levels of chaos with more children (i.e. never-ending dirty laundry and needing independent chameleon eyes at parks and other public places 😉). But in another sense it's all more manageable: you have some systems down (or you're more OK with not having systems and just going with the flow...) and you see how the things you stressed about with the first baby ended up working out just fine, so you don't freak out as much with the next baby... Look at it this way, year #1 of your first child's life is also year #1 for you as a mom. But by the time your second baby (or 3rd or 4th) comes along, you're in year # 2, 3, 4, etc, of motherhood, and that's a significant amount of experience under your belt (or burp rag, as the case may be!). Not that everything is easy or nothing ever catches you off-guard anymore, but it IS significantly less fear-inducing and stressful, and more fun overall! So there you have it! 👶👶👶👶

November: "Being a mom is the best!" - Despite being tired, having a changed body and living in at least partial chaos, being a mom is amazing! Does that mean that I think those that aren't moms can't have fulfilling lives? No, of course not! But I feel the need to express the joy, the wonder and love, because otherwise I fear that you might see only the insanity, the spit-up stains, the bags under my eyes, the lack of a social life (other than with toddlers of course) and conclude that it's not worth the hassle, that somehow the cons outweigh the pros. So I need to communicate to you that despite what you see, the negatives pale in comparison to this amazing blessing called Motherhood. Really, truly, honestly. At least this tired Mom thinks so! 😴☺️

December: "I wish we could spend more time together!" - I really do... Even if the weeks or months (or years!) go by and we can't seem to work out a way to spend quality time just hanging out as friends like we used to... I wish we could. But I know that if our friendship is deep, we will have those moments regularly again down the road, at some point. And then I'm sure we'll cherish those one-on-one times more than ever, knowing how quickly life stages change. But for now, I'll take a conversation with you in whatever form works out, even if it includes constant drool and noise. Because your friendship means so much! So, thank you for being patient, thank you for wanting to understand, thank you for being my friend over this year of transitions, and beyond. I'll do the same for you someday if you are in this stage of life too! ❤️

10 things i was never told about pregnancy, birth & beyond

Warning: If you have a queasy stomach or are just the type of person that considers specific recountings surrounding pregnancy and birth to be TMI, this is probably not the post for you to read!  OK, I gave you the heads-up.  Consider yourselves warned! (wink)

My husband and I are currently expecting Baby #4!  Now to some, that appears to be a sign that I must have had three amazingly easy and fun previous pregnancies to want to do this all over again. And honestly there have been quite a few women over the years who have told me that they “loved everything” about being pregnant, having a newborn, etc.  Now, maybe it was totally true in their case or maybe they say “everything” meaning “most things” or many things” or maybe they have selective amnesia and have forgotten the negatives, which we all seem to do to a certain degree or other…  But I for one will state upfront that there were things about pregnancy and beyond that were NOT a walk in the park, at least in my experience (and on that subject, a walk in the park with kids isn’t always a walk in the park, either!).  So, was it worth going through it all in pregnancy, birth and beyond?  YES, definitely, no question about it!  And I’m sure this fourth will be no exception.  As with most things in life, the sweetest memories are usually that much sweeter because of the tough road we’ve walked (or crawled) to get there. 

Confession: the title of this post is a bit of a misnomer, because I’m sure I had been told some or perhaps even most of these things before, but I guess they just hadn’t fully registered and thus caught me off-guard in at least one of my pregnancy/birth experiences.  So, perhaps you will be able to relate to some of these from your own experience, or maybe you are naively (like I was) not even considering these to be issues, or perhaps you’re just plain curious… Whatever your situation, I’m hoping this list makes for an entertaining read at least! So here we go:

1. Morning (aka “all day”) Sickness: Of course I had heard of it, who hasn’t?  “Half of all pregnant women suffer from nausea during the first trimester.” Bla, bla, bla.  I seriously thought it was a little bit made up, exaggerated, and with a little psychology it wouldn’t affect me. Good one! During basically the whole first trimester of each pregnancy (including this one), I’ve felt sick. Now I’ve only very rarely vomited while pregnant and I’ve always tried to eat as balanced as possible, because I’d convince myself that the baby needed for me to keep down whatever I could swallow. But boy, all I’ve wanted to do each time was live in a world comprised solely of saltines, Sprite and a bed. And a bucket, just in case… But, on the plus side, it’s always been a good sign that the pregnancy is progressing well. (smile)

2. The Nose Knows: The uncanny ability while pregnant to identify any scent within a mile radius, even with a cold.  Probably not scientifically proven to be quite that keen, but it sure feels like that to me at least. At any rate, it would be a kind of fun super-power at any other point in life, but given the aforementioned problem of the “morning” sickness during that 1^st trimester…not so great to have an amazing sniffer. (True story: the way I discovered this talent during my first pregnancy was that while walking to the store all of the sudden I knew there was a cat around because I could smell it, and sure enough, about a block down the road there was a cat in a tree over the sidewalk! And this coming from someone who had basically no sense of smell prior to pregnancy. Talk about weird!)

3. Afterpains:  OK, birthing pains I obviously expected and was semi-ready for (as much as you can be!), but I had no idea how much cramping can go on in the hours and days after the baby is born!  After my first labor, I really didn’t notice much.  But after my second, I said, “Why on earth am I still having hard contractions??”  The nurse then informed me that it gets worse with each birth. (I then decided 2 kids were enough, but you know, selective amnesia… smile.)  And that nurse was right: a few hours after my third baby was born, my reaction was something like, “OH MY….!!!  Give me something, NOW!!!”  And the next 48 hours were like that, constantly needing pain meds.  So… needless to say, I’m already trying to psychologically prepare myself for 7 months from now when #4 is born. (smile)

4. Hemorrhoids:  Seriously???  Yep, pushing during labor is hard work.  Ay ay ay.  Anyway, ‘nuff said.  

5. Slooooooow Gut:  After having my first baby, those intestines took a while to get all situated and back to normal.  Annoyingly slow to say the least and usually causing a looong bathroom trip to coincide with a very fussy, hungry baby just waking up and now screaming in Daddy’s arms = heaps of fun and a relaxing experience for everyone involved (sarcasm alert!).  The upside, at least in my experience, is that my insides have bounced back into working order more quickly after each birth experience. So, there’s hope!

6. Post-Baby B.O.:  So, during pregnancy, as already explained, I could smell anything and everything around, but, after having my 3^rd baby it was me that smelled!  Stunk, more like.  Not for too long though, because I caught on pretty quickly (those amazing sniffer abilities linger for several months at least postpartum), so I switched deodorant brands asap.  But seriously, hormonal changes or whatever caused it, I’d never smelled so bad in my life, not even during my basketball-playing years.  After fixing the problem I felt like throwing away all of my clothes, just for fear that laundry detergent wouldn’t get the stench out!

7. New Mommy Forgetfulness:  Besides general mommy brain which as far as I can tell never goes away after entering mommyhood (aka “what on earth did I come into the kitchen for??), immediately after giving birth I had a different kind of forgetfulness.  I would be wondering, “Why is my baby crying like this??” but overlook obvious explanations that I could have even pointed out to others with newborns (he’s colicky because of specific food mom ate, she’s uncomfortable because she still hadn’t burped, etc.).  I’ve seen that in other moms too, even professionals in the medical world.  New Mommy Sleep-Deprived Brain, I guess.  Which leads me to:

8. Red-Eye Special:  I’m amazed how a person who “needed” nine hours of sleep each night can actually change to the point where we function on 2 or 3 or 4 hours of sleep (plus an occasional nap!) for weeks or months!  And how each adjustment down the road (5 hours, 6 hours, finally 7 hours of straight sleep, imagine that!), is just barely enough to keep going.  It’s incredible to me how God created our bodies to adjust to that sleep-deprived state and actually function (well, to a certain degree)!

9. Daddy Glow:  OK, on the total plus side now of the “surprises”. I’ve always loved my man, but oh my goodness, I’ve fallen even deeper in love with him each time he’s held one of our newborns, seeing his face glowing with joy & love (and usually tears)!  Watching my love be a Daddy is definitely the sweetest thing ever…

10. Love at First Sight:  It is absolutely incredible to me how much you can love someone you just met. Feeling the baby kicking inside is such a special, unique experience and was as wonderful as I had imagined.  But I really had NO clue how amazing and breath-taking it would be to hold my baby for the first time.  And each time, it has been that same, amazing experience. Precious, priceless, unlike anything else in the world…. And immediately following each birth, we’ve wondered how our lives and family were ever complete without this newest, God-given, little bundle of joy!

Now, this list is in no way exhaustive, but 10 just seemed like a nice round number.  And the only reason it has more negative than positive points is because I’m just highlighting certain things that surprised me (the positive feelings and memories accompanying pregnancy and having a newborn were expected!).

Mommyhood isn’t something you can really prepare for, at least not totally, but rather something you grow into through the process. I’ve had friends who have said things like, “Sleep is too important to me, so I couldn’t be a mom,” or “I really need my space, so I don’t want to have kids.”  Those types of comments really sadden me. On the one hand I understand them (of course I can relate to needing/wanting sleep and space), but on the other hand what you gain in love, joy, learning and growth infinitely outweighs anything you give up… Not because it’s always fun and easy (many times just the opposite), but it’s most definitely always 1000% worth it!!!  And it really only gets better and better each day as I watch our little ones grow and interact with the world around them…  Motherhood really is an indescribable experience in so many ways; there just aren’t enough words to do it justice….

So, hang in there, new and soon-to-be mommies!! 

pay attention, kids

Computers, cell phones, i-pads, tablets, etc.: Devices that allow us to communicate instantaneously with people anywhere on the globe while effectively ignoring, or not giving full, genuine attention to, those physically with us.

Notice I said “allow”.  I mean, it's not that technology forces us to be anti-social or impolite, but it is pretty easy to give in and cross that line.  What's crazy is that we'll complain about our children (or kids in general nowadays) not listening, not paying attention, perhaps having ADHD because they're constantly getting distracted, but it's not like we are setting a great example about the value of being present in the moment and giving our full attention to what is going on around us and giving a focused response to those with whom we are physically interacting.  Hypocritical.  Or maybe it's just me that sometimes sets a bad example of this for my kids.

I wrote about getting disconnected almost a year ago and then stayed offline for a month, which was great.  But that's over now and I have a good excuse for why I regularly fall into this apparently hypocritical position now: I can read or look at things online and still listen to what the kids are doing and saying to me. Well, at least most of the time... Unless I become really engrossed in what I'm reading.  But, really, even when I am doing a good job multitasking with technological stuff and kids, how will my children know that?  How can I explain to them that though Mommy will sometimes answer them while still looking at my computer, when I ask them to answer me about something they need to stop what they're doing (talking, watching a movie, playing) and give me their full attention, making eye contact so I know they are listening and understanding?  That's a significant double-standard.

One way to fix it would be to say that they don't need to stop what they are doing to look at me and respond.  I mean, I don't always, so why should they?  But, I guess that might lead to raising rude kids who don't show common courtesy to their peers in social interactions, let alone respect for authority figures.  And it probably wouldn't help their attention spans to increase either, and especially wouldn’t encourage them to pay attention to things that might not seem all that exciting but really are necessary.

Another option would be to simply be good about putting the technological device down whenever my kids talk to me or need me to interact/intervene.  But that’s what I’ve been trying to do over the past several months, and have been inconsistent about that.  Sometimes it works OK.  But some of the time I’m so into what I’m doing online that it takes me a while to really snap out of it.  Other times, I get frustrated with them for having interrupted me.  And other times, even though I did put the computer down right away and am not upset at them, I’m still thinking about what I read / saw online for a while afterwards instead of really paying attention to what my kids are showing me. 

So..., needless to say I don’t think either of those options are very good ones, at least in my case.  But, since I really don't want to continue with this hypocritical system I have going on currently, the only real solution I see is to limit my social networking and virtual correspondence to times when the kids are completely occupied in something that wouldn't require my intervention/attention/refereeing, the most realistic of which is sleeping.  I realize there may be times when I really do need to respond to something urgently online, but in those infrequent cases, I suppose I could just tell the kids that I will be on the computer answering something very important for 15 minutes (or however long) so that they and I can see that I am putting a time frame on it and that this is the exception and not the rule.

Something I am not advocating or saying here is that I should be spending every moment that they are awake actively involved in what they are doing.  I believe they need their space and creative time to be with their siblings or just doing something on their own, and also believe that it's important for them to see that I need my space and have other things to do as well.  But there's a difference between being uninvolved but still able to answer, where they can clearly see the task that is taking my attention and the reason behind it (i.e. “I can't come right now because I am cleaning, exercising, cooking, etc., but I’ll do something with you guys in a little bit when I’m finished.”) and only being partially involved, partially paying attention but not fully, and they can't see the "why" behind my busy-ness except that this electronic device routinely gets more concentrated attention than they do.

So, the decision is made: limiting of online social networking to non-child-supervision times, effective immediately!  Perhaps I'll even go so far as to apply it not only to being with my kids but also when spending time with my husband, or other extended family members and friends...  I may be the only one not looking at my phone or computer during those interactions, but hey, someone's got to be the weird one that starts new trends and it might even be fun!  ;)

I'm thinking my stress level will probably decrease, attention span will increase, more stuff will get done around the house, and even if none of those happen at the very least I'll be setting a better example for the kids in the behavior they should be exhibiting too.  And I’m sure I’ll still find moments at other points in the day when I can catch up on many people’s lives in the virtual social networking world (hehehe). 

So, do any other moms (or anyone for that matter!) want to join me in this challenge to stay off the virtual when there are others around us physically who we should be really, fully connecting with at the moment? The more the merrier! :)

let the boy fight!

What?  What a crazy title, right?  Maybe the point will be, “well, boys will be boys…  My son is going to want to fight anyway, so might as well just accept it!” 

No, actually, that’s not my point at all.  I mean that my husband and I want our son to be a fighter.  What? You want him to be violent???  Um, no.  Not at all. And really, I hate boxing and other violent sports like that (no offense to those who enjoy them… they’re just not my thing!).  But I do want him to be a hero, a protector, a defender of the innocent.  I want my son to have the desire and strength of character to stand up to injustice and say, “No, I will NOT let you do this because what you are doing is wrong!” 

I really believe that, in general, today’s society is taking that protector desire away from little boys.  By always telling them to not fight, by asking them to stop playing made up games that involve pretending to shoot, kick, punch, sword-fight, etc., I think we’re indirectly telling them that their desire to be strong, to be courageous, to physically stop the “bad guys”, to be the hero of the story, is wrong.  We’re saying it’s bad to want that, it’s bad to need to feel strong and brave.  And through that, we are doing something terrible to our boys: We’re diminishing the importance of (and sometimes even stripping away) this fighting instinct that is very essential to their miniature manhood.

So, what I see, is that since lots of little boys aren’t encouraged (or sometimes are even discouraged) in this area, in many cases one of two things tends to happen: 1) that desire dies out, which is a huge loss for those around them when they’ve reached adulthood and have no desire to conquer any challenges or protect & provide for their own!  Or, 2) they decide that since they want to fight and fighting is bad, they must be bad (basic algebra skills applied by little boys).  And in the latter case, you see kids become youth that end up turning to violence just for the sake of being violent, because it’s bad and they’re bad anyway, so who cares?

Well, then what’s the solution?  Do I just let my boy go out and fight however, wherever, whenever, with whomever he wants because he needs to fight?  Well, no, because that wouldn’t encourage protectiveness or heroicness.  As in every other area of life, he needs to be guided to use his desires for good. 

So, what I try to do is that when my son is play-fighting (by himself, with someone else, acting out a story, etc.), I ask him who he is fighting against and why.  I’ll ask him who he’s protecting, who he is trying to rescue.  Sometimes I already know the answers, because I could hear the explanation of the game earlier.  And other times I can tell that he’s just wanting to fight for the sake of fighting, so I remind him of our house rules (which are primarily: don’t play that way if the other person doesn’t want to, be careful with Baby, and stop when Mommy or Daddy says it’s over).  So, by asking him questions about his enemy and his goals in this battle, I am trying to reinforce the idea that it is OK and good to fight when it is in defense of someone who is innocent or someone who can’t fight for themselves.  It is OK and good to fight for what’s right.  And sometimes, it’s even wrong to not fight, when the cause is that important.

As my boy grows up and starts making more and more of his own decisions, I hope that this spirit and desire to fight carry on.  Not so much in the physical sense (I mean, I guess if he wanted to be a professional kick-boxer, that’ll be up to him at some point, though I’m not a huge fan!), but definitely in the mental, spiritual, and emotional senses.  I hope he fights against his desire to quit just because something’s hard, I hope he is able to fight through any sickness and pain he encounters along the road, I hope if he gets married and starts a family some day that he desires to fight for his marriage and his kids, and I hope that he is a protector, hero and conqueror in every area of his life where God gives him responsibilities. 

It takes a special kind of courage and strength today to be a good man, a good brother, a good student, a good employee, a good boss, a good husband, a good father.  He has a great example of a strong, courageous man in my husband.  So I’m going to keep encouraging my son to be like his Daddy, and as a couple we will continue pointing out to him other courageous men whose examples are worthy of imitating.  And I’m sure some day, if he does get married, his wife will thank us for raising a fighter and a protector! (smile)

(Note: The idea behind this post doesn’t exclude girls from fighting for justice and being strong and courageous too, because of course they should!  And I’m also not insinuating that girls don’t want to be protectors… Obviously little-mothers-in-the-making have a special type of protective instinct that gets triggered when they see one of “theirs” in danger of harm or ridicule, etc.   But I think we can all agree that there’s a difference between that mother-like protectiveness and the desire to be heroic, to conquer the enemy, to fight the bad guys, that is so innately and primarily a part of little mini-men!)

“... and i survived!” (so i see…)

I’m going to vent a bit here:

I’m really tired of hearing the defending of certain methods (especially concerning parenting decisions, but could apply to basically anything) that end with “…and I survived!” or “…and I’m a successful, happy person!”  Some of the time, those ‘defense’ statements are about methods and decisions that I share and agree with and sometimes they aren’t.  I’m not going to get into what specific methods I do or don’t agree with in regards to parenting right now.  I do have strong opinions and convictions, but those are not the point. 

The point is that I really think this line of reasoning is way too superficial and simplistic, yet I hear it and read it often:

• “I was spanked… /or on the other hand/ I was never spanked as a child… and I’m doing fine!”
• “I got my immunization shots… /or/ I was not vaccinated… and I survived.”
• “I never went to the dr. as a kid… /or/ I went to the dr. for everything… and now my health is great!”
• “I was homeschooled… /or/ went to public school… /or/ went to private school… and did great in college and am now thriving in my job!”
• Etc., etc., etc.

Your current reality as a happy, healthy, successful person isn’t necessarily proof that the methods used and decisions made for or by you were good ones.  Honestly, there have been people throughout the ages to live through slavery, torture, abuse, neglect, and just plain weird parental or personal decisions… that have then gone on to grow beyond that and be OK.  Many have even stated that they came out stronger because of what they lived through.  But that doesn’t mean that I think concentration camps (as an obviously extreme example) would be a good parenting choice as a way to build character in our kids, even if there are those who lived through those awful situations and survived or even thrived later on. 

I had a crazy teacher in the 2^nd & 3^rd grades that would walk around class while we were busy writing in our school books, and he would hit us with chalk on the head.  For no reason.  Usually not even to correct misbehavior; he’d just got a kick out of it (not that hitting a child with chalk would ever be an acceptable discipline method for anyone to use anyway).  And that was only one of the strange, creepy things this teacher would do.  He was my home-room teacher for two years and I survived. I wasn’t permanently scarred by those experiences, though there were a lot of conversations I had with my parents, which obviously led to them talking directly with him and making sure the creepiness stopped.  But guess what?  Even though I survived and am thriving now, I’m not going to be looking for that kind teacher for my kids or personally implementing that type of thing in my homeschooling methods. 

I think we need to really differentiate between thriving because of certain experiences, decisions, methods, etc., and thriving in spite of them.  For example, Joseph said to his brothers, “what you intended for evil, God used for good”.  He did not say, “Thank you for your abuse and neglect and hatred of me!”  What he did do was acknowledge that God is better than the worst evil around and that ultimately God can use everything for our good. 

In the decisions we make, especially in regards to our kids, let’s really consider whether our experiences (or our parents’ or anyone else’s experiences that we’ve personally heard of) have been a help or a hindrance in growth, learning, development, etc.  And as already stated, I do not doubt that those experiences that had originally hindered might have eventually led to growth because of the process of overcoming the obstacle or hardship (physically, emotionally, socially, etc.).  But I think the world has enough obstacles, mixed messages, injustice, and confusion without us parents contributing to it by deciding to do something a certain way with our children just because someone else lived through that and is fine. 

As parents, we really need to analyze the why behind our decisions.  Let’s think back to our childhood and reconsider things a little more.  Let’s ask others who we admire behind-the-scenes questions and really dig deep for answers, instead of just looking superficially.  Let’s closely examine what the Bible has to say (if anything specific) on that particular subject, always being careful to read in light of the rest of scripture, rather than just isolated verses out of context.  Let’s check out current research findings and studies to see what the scientific opinion is on the subject, while keeping in mind that new research is constantly modifying previous scientific views on many topics, and that even the experts start with their own ideologies and theories (because let’s face it: no one can be 100% objective no matter how great their intentions are!). 

But mostly, let’s really pray a lot about each major decision we make for our kids: asking God to remove any blinders that we may have, to correct any biased opinion that we’ve formed based on bad experiences or misunderstandings or misinformation, and to really give us wisdom, because each child is absolutely unique and the world around us is changing daily.  What worked 20 years ago with me may or may not work now with my son and two daughters in their current environments, but I don’t want to just go with the flow of whatever is the current popular trend.  My children are not science experiments!  Let’s be wise enough to not accept just anyone’s personal experience or expertise as the answer but be humble enough to allow our own opinions and convictions that were previously set in stone to change if needed. 

Maybe after all of that deep digging and analyzing and searching and praying and considering, we’ll come to the same exact conclusions we started with.  But hopefully those conclusions will be drawn because we really, truly believe and are convinced that they are the best ways to help our kids develop and thrive, and not just because we survived that way.

i'm not homeschooling because…

Did I confuse you?  I thought so!  To clarify: yes, I am homeschooling, but what I mean is that it’s not for some of the reasons that you might think.  So, these are not the reasons why I am homeschooling:

Myth #1: I don’t like teachers in general or don’t think they are qualified to teach correctly. 

Truth: I went through public school and had many good teachers and even some great ones (others weren’t good at all or didn’t like their jobs, but those were the minority in my experience).  And actually, most of my extended family members and many of my friends are teachers!  I have so much respect for them and feel their role is highly under-valued, as I couldn’t fathom being responsible for teaching even 10 kids for half-an-hour, not to mention the huge groups they teach for hours on end! 

Myth #2: I hated school.

Truth: I actually enjoyed school a lot of the time.  I’m a bookworm, enjoyed talking with most of my teachers, and had quite a few good friends in school (though we usually weren’t allowed to talk in class, we were in after-school sports together, and so most of our socializing would happen then).  But, my mom did home-school us for a couple of years when our family was in transition periods, so even though I did like public school, I must say that those home-school years were my favorite years of school.  The closeness as a family was great and I loved feeling understood by my teacher (smile).

Myth #3: We want to separate our family from the rest of the world and shelter our kids from the reality around us.

Truth: We are exposing (and will continue to expose) our kids to the problems and blessings in society by taking them with us to different places, pointing things out, explaining, letting them ask questions…  They are a part of society and our desire is that they would want to be a source of encouragement to others and help bring change where it’s needed too.  Also, because they are not in a traditional school, our kids will actually have more opportunities to meet new people of different ages, social statuses, nationalities, etc., when out and about with us during the week and will be able to socialize with a wider range of people and broaden their worldview because of that.  We are aware of the fact that it is up to us to create opportunities for them to spend time with other kids their ages and develop friendships, and make that a priority too.  But between cousins, other families at church, neighbors, playing at parks, and looking into extracurricular classes and activities our children are interested in, socializing with other kids comes very naturally.

Myth #4: I consider myself to be a super-mom and a great teacher, so of course I home-school! 

Truth: I struggle daily with this balancing act of trying to run the house, raise the kids in general, do their schooling, and everything else that I should be doing…  I am constantly second-guessing myself, wondering if I’m doing things OK, frustrated & disappointed when I know I haven’t done well, and very excited (sometimes prematurely) when things seem to be working.  But my reality is different than many other moms: I am able to be home all day and have a super-supportive husband who not only wants to be involved and helpful however he can, but also his work schedule allows him the flexibility to sometimes help me during times of the day when I know many other husbands just can’t.  And he & I are regularly going back to the drawing board to re-analyze my current teaching strategies and our child-raising vision in general, which really helps me to de-stress and re-focus on what’s important (and not lose my mind!).  It would be very hard for me to take on something as huge as homeschooling without my husband’s support and our teamwork relationship in regards to our children and life in general.

On the flipped side, I am homeschooling because:

• Unlike me, my husband hated school; for him it was like a prison.  I’m sure that’s partly because of how the system is here in Chile (longer hours than where I studied, very static subject matter…) and partly because of his learning style: needing to learn things by doing and seeing the practical value, not just being told how it’s done and needing to memorize formulas.  So, as a couple we believe homeschooling is the best option for our children’s learning styles, at least for now: our oldest at least is a kinetic learner like his daddy and definitely works best with hands-on activities and personalized attention, and for now his little sisters are thriving in that style of learning as well.

• It allows the kids to spend more time with their dad.  Since my husband has ministry-related work most evenings and weekends, if they were in a public school they would hardly ever get to see him.

• It permits us to focus on bilingual and multicultural learning while also having the flexibility & freedom to visit different places as a family at any time of the day, week or year, which would all be difficult to do to this degree if the kids had regular school hours.

• Ultimately, we as a couple consider it our responsibility to educate our children, not necessarily in school subjects, but definitely in character-building. They need for us to be consistently encouraging positive behaviors and discouraging disobedience, and our desire is to continue teaching them about God’s love & truth not just through occasional words or with a book in hand but also practically through life experiences and every-day situations.  Looking at long school hours, followed by after-school activities and still more homework, we just felt that there wouldn’t be much quality time or energy left to cultivate those deeper areas of our children’s lives and really address their questions, struggles and insights on a daily basis.   

There really is a lot more to me than just being a homeschooling mom.  I don’t want to simply be put in a category or reduced down to that.  And I also don’t want others to think that I consider myself to be superior or that I will look down on those who have not chosen to home-school or really cannot do it for work reasons.  But right now that’s simply my main job and takes most of my time & energy, so I think about homeschooling a lot and like sharing about it, just as many others share about the ups and downs of their more “normal” jobs too. 

Mostly, though, I’m just very blessed that this is even a legal and viable option for us as a family here in Chile.  I am so thankful for the opportunity and privilege to spend all day with my kids and be their primary teacher (though it can be very draining physically, mentally and emotionally); and at the same time I am being taught, humbled and transformed through this experience as well!

do you trust me?

“Hey, Son, let’s get ready to go!” I tell my four-year-old.

“Where?” He answers, looking concerned.  

 “You know what, Buddy? Just trust me and start getting dressed, OK?”  He starts moving, slowly, considering preparing for this outing to who-knows-where.

“Mom, are we going to the park?”

“Son…”

“Not to the store, right?”

“Buddy…”

“We’re not going to walk, right? Can we go in the car? Are Daddy and my sisters coming too?”  By now his concern with the specifics has totally stopped him in his tracks and the process of actually getting ready has long been forgotten. 

“Son, what did I ask you to do?” I remind him.

“To get ready to go,” he answers.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“OK, then trust that I will take you someplace good and probably fun, and you don’t have to worry now.  Just obey and do what I asked, OK?”

“OK, Mommy,” he answers, though I can see in his face that he’s still not sure about preparing to go to this unknown destination.

This is not the first time we’ve had this type of conversation, about going somewhere, about cleaning up, about what is next on the agenda for the day….  Sometimes I do give him specifics of what we’re doing and other times he’s fine with not knowing.  But I could tell that with the energy level he has today, if I had told him right away which park we were going to, the excitement would have taken away his focus even more from the getting-ready stage. 

Ugh!  Why can’t he just trust me that our destination and the details of our going-out will be good, that I know what he likes and doesn’t like, what he needs and doesn’t need, and that in the end I have his best in mind? 

As I ponder the frustration of convincing a four-year-old of my good intentions and trustworthiness as his mother, I hear a different voice:

“Kris, follow Me.” 

“Where to, God?”

“You don’t need to know the where right now, just take the next step of obedience in this specific situation.”

“But I don’t see what it looks like further down the road if I go this way… I haven’t carefully considered all the pros and cons yet…and we all know that’s the responsible thing to do, Lord!  I need to think things through well to make sure this way gets the results we need…”

“Kris, what have I asked you to do with your kids?”

“Um, let’s see: to love them, to teach them in the ways I am able according to how you’ve gifted me, to correct and discipline them in love and consistency, to enjoy each day with them…”

“OK then…”

“Right, but so many times I’m not sure about the specific methods we’re using, if we’re doing things OK, if the kids are learning and growing the way they should be…”

“Whether the method chosen is the perfect one for your kids isn’t the root of your problem right now.”

“Well, what is my problem, then?”

“Lack of trust in Me.” 

“What?? No!! I trust You completely, with all of our lives, and I tell You that on a regular basis!”

“Yes, you do say that, but if you truly believe it, then live it out by giving your worries and concerns over to Me each moment rather than trying to figure out the perfect child-raising formula and a fail-proof teaching strategy.  Stop stressing about getting the future completely figured out and instead use that energy to love your kids today in the best way you can, whether or not they respond the way they should or the way you want them to, and whether or not everything gets checked off of your to-do list for the day.  And leave the results up to Me.”

“I want to trust You to that level, I really do want to do that…but I don’t know how to live each day without having a plan, without considering the options, without aiming for a goal and strategizing how to get there!”

“Kris, none of those things are bad in and of themselves; I’ve created you to be a deep thinker.  But…”

“But what, Lord?”

“If the thinking and planning are causing you to become anxious and stressed out, then you’re not really trusting Me with the outcome.  So, just like your 4-year-old, don’t get so absorbed by the details of what’s to come that you get distracted from the current step of obedience I’ve asked you to take.  Trust that I have good plans for you and your family.”

So, here is my New Year’s Resolution:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6, NASB)

[I wrote this in January 2013, before starting this blog, so wanted to share it here for this New Year.]

little sensors don’t miss a thing

“Mommy, your face looks like Pharaoh when he was saying ‘get my slaves back!’” said my almost-five-year-old right before bedtime a few weeks ago.  Talk about a punch in the stomach.

In my defense, that was an especially tough day: Baby was teething & fussy and my two oldest kids were in time-outs most of the day for not getting along, being mean to each other, not listening to me, etc, and on top of that there were a million things I was supposed to have done that day that I couldn’t get to because of how all three kids were behaving.  It was beyond frustrating, exhausting, disappointing.  So by the time bedtime rolled around and my son was disobeying yet again, in my defense… I have no defense.  Perhaps it is understandable that by the end of the day I had a pharaoh-like, angry face at yet another act of disobedience, but understandable doesn’t equal excusable. 

I’m the Mom.  And though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, I can control my facial expressions, tones, words.  It’s extremely hard sometimes, but that doesn’t mean impossible. 

So, instead of making excuses or blame-shifting at that moment, I admitted to my boy, “Buddy, it’s not OK that Mommy looked at you with an angry face like that.  I’m very sorry about that.  Even though you were disobeying, I need to be an example and talk to you the right way and give you consequences without getting so mad like that.  Do you know why Mommy and Daddy give you consequences when you disobey?”

“Because you love me very much.”

“Yes, Buddy, we love you very much, and we want you to be able to have fun and learn, so being able to pay attention, listen and obey is very important and helps you grow well.  But Mommy needs to obey God too, and God says that mommies and daddies need to be patient and not harsh and we need to give consequences in good ways.  Sometimes we need to talk very firmly and seriously so you understand that something is very important but we always need to show you that we love you.  And even when you disobey, we still love you very much and nothing will change that.  So I’m very sorry that I lost my patience and was so angry with you that I made a mean face.  I should not have done that and will try to be a better example.  Do you forgive me?”

“Yes, Mommy,” he said as he gave me a hug.

There are so many things I need to be careful with as a mom:

• My facial expressions, tones and volume when correcting or disciplining my kids,

• Paying attention to them when they try to talk to me, which involves looking away from the computer or phone, making eye-contact and really listening,

• Not telling others about my frustrations with my kids while they are present because that’s talking negatively about them rather than dealing with specific issues with them,

• Not arguing with my husband in front of our children but resolving our differences privately, since public arguments as a couple create confusion of authority, insecurity and a negative environment for the kids,

• Not trying to trick or distract my kids into obeying, but always telling them the truth, being clear about what needs to happen and what the real consequences (good and bad) will be,

• Not focusing the majority of my energy on secondary things (which can include computer stuff, spending time with friends, even cleaning or exercising…) but letting the kids see that they (along with their daddy) are my first priorities for time and energy spent,

• Focusing on quality and quantity time: despite common statements about “quality time is more important than quantity”, the truth is that it’s very hard to make ‘quality time’ with kids without quantity.  I mean, how will I know what could constitute quality for my son, unless I spend enough quantity time with him to know his likes/dislikes, ways of communicating, specific needs, establish a sense of trust because he knows I’m around and available when he needs me…?  On the reverse side, it’s easy to think that since I spend most days with my kids 24/7, that the quantity equals quality, and that’s not true.  It’s easy to be present but not be available, to hear but not really listen, to correct or discipline when necessary but not take the time to play and enjoy.  It has to be both quality and quantity, and kids can tell when one or the other is missing,

• When I’ve made a mistake, it’s important to always set an example of repentance by acknowledging what I’ve done, admitting that it was wrong, asking for forgiveness, and stating that I will work on doing better next time.  Modeling this recognition of fault and desire to change is something that my kids notice, bring up later and want to imitate.  It’s important that they know that Mommy doesn’t think she’s perfect, won’t make excuses for herself and is accountable for her actions & reactions, just like they are.  

My husband and I have been given this amazing privilege of raising three beautiful kids.  And being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most influential jobs, because my kids are sponges and they don’t miss a thing.  They see all, hear all, sense all.  They know when I’m being hypocritical, not practicing what I’m preaching.  It is such an exhausting job because it is constant, all day every day.  But it is also so rewarding and so transforming.  I’m learning as much (or perhaps more!) from my children than they’re learning from me.  And I hope to never hear that my face looks like Pharaoh’s again (smile).       

Two months and many lessons later...

January 23, 2013

Today, my baby girl turns two months old! How time flies… That night, we checked into the hospital and 50 minutes later she was born!  I guess she was just super-eager to make her way into the world!  :-)

Wow, my third baby is already two months old, and so much has happened in these past weeks…

This milestone day also marks something else: the first full day I have not breast-fed her.  “What??” you may think. “Stopping breastfeeding at two months?? How selfish!”

OK, since my statement can be easily misunderstood, I will word it another way: in these past 24 hours I have not allowed my baby to make a frustrated attempt to draw nutrients from my body, which for the past week has not produced enough to satisfy her for even one of her many daily feedings.  In math terms, my supply diminishing progressively over the past six weeks + my daughter’s needs progressively increasing = Not Good. 

Yes, I’ve been eating well and drinking plenty of water.

Yes, I’ve tried various suggested methods for how to increase production.

No, I’m not one of those women who simply cannot produce enough milk for genetic reasons.  My two older children never even tasted formula until they were each six months old, and even then I continued breastfeeding for a few more months. 

Hence my frustration and disappointment this time around.  I’m a big supporter of breastfeeding as a way of creating that special, unique bond and of strengthening the baby’s immune system.

So what happened?

Well, when Baby was ten days old her jaundice levels were high so she needed to go back to the hospital, spending twenty-four hours under the blue lights and another twelve in observation to make sure her levels didn’t rise again.  She improved quickly and I was able to go feed her every few hours during her stay there, but each time she was so tired that she wouldn’t nurse well.  I didn’t want to express milk during the day since I kept hoping that at the next feeding she would eat much more.  My goal was to not get her used to a bottle, since that might cause her to not want to nurse later.

However, by the time my little one was home again and her hunger was back to normal, I couldn’t keep up with her needs though I was feeding her on-demand (or trying to, more like).  She had checkups the next three weeks, but each time she fell short of where she needed to be weight-wise.  Being winter and with all the colds going around, her underweight state was especially concerning.  So, the pediatrician said I needed to start supplementing with formula.  To say I was disappointed would be a huge understatement.

Well, one month ago, she gulped down that first bottle so quickly and desperately that I started crying.  I was shocked that my baby girl had really been that hungry, poor thing!  For a few days it was just one bottle a day, but little by little over this past month that amount has steadily increased as my milk supply has decreased. And over this past week, it was just wishful thinking that she was still getting something from me. So, as of today, we are done with that beautiful but too-short stage.

A few lessons learned over these two months:

·         It was eye-opening to see adults and kids with chronic illnesses when we took Baby to the emergency room, families that frequently have to check in, sometimes needing to stay at the hospital for weeks at a time. It’s easy for me to take for granted the good health we usually have.  Sometimes I even complain about my kids’ energy level, and yet there are kids all over that couldn’t muster the strength to run if they wanted to…. 

·         I’ve realized how easy it is to judge others, even when I don’t know the details behind other moms’ decisions, such as about feeding, disciplining, schooling, etc.  And of course this also applies to non-mom-related, general life situations. I think I “know” the why, but really without taking the time to listen and understand their situation, there’s a good chance I’m totally off.  Most are probably just trying to do the best they can with the information, resources, energy, health, etc., they have.  Shame on me for being so quick to pass judgment when I don’t even know the half of what they are going through and what circumstances led to (or even forced) their decisions.

·         It was embarrassing to tell people when I started supplementing with formula, because I was so proud of how well I’d been able to feed my other two children. As if the credit for that was somehow mine!  God has designed a mother’s body in such an amazing way, and there I was subconsciously patting myself on the back for something that is an undeserved gift.  So, logically, since breastfeeding was something I had so prided myself in, when it didn’t work out this time I felt like a failure.  But now, looking at it through the lens of a gift, God gives it sometimes and other times He doesn’t, for reasons He alone understands completely.  And I have peace in that knowledge.    

·         For a while, I kept wanting to fight the fact that breastfeeding wasn’t working this time, but what I really needed to do was just be grateful for the weeks it did work and also be very thankful that Baby took to formula so well right off the bat. I know that switch is hard for many babies, so it is a huge blessing that my little one has adapted so well to the change.

·         And finally, it has actually been so fun to let others (like my husband and my parents) get involved in feeding Baby!  They are getting to participate regularly in something that only I experienced with my older two children at this age.  Being able to share that has been a gift for everyone. :-)    

I feel the freedom to share this here today because the initial embarrassment I felt about not being able to breastfeed enough is gone now.  Not just because “it’s normal for things like this to happen to some women”, though it is definitely reassuring to know I’m not the only one and that my daughter is still getting the nutrition she needs through formula. 

But more importantly I felt the freedom to share this because, whether or not there was something I could’ve done differently that would have allowed me to continue breastfeeding Baby today, I am not a perfect mom.  Some days, with decisions I make or things I say, I’m not even a very good mom.  But I do have a good and perfect Father.  And my identity (thankfully) doesn’t lie in my accomplishments as a mother; my identity first and foremost comes from being a daughter of God.  And I hope my baby girl (as well as her older siblings) grows up to say, “Wow, God is so amazing!  And I know Mommy really loves Him because He loves her even more!”  

There’s probably lot more I had wanted to say, but there is a smiling two-month old distracting me, wanting to talk with Mommy and most likely wanting to let me know she’s ready for a bottle, so I’d better get going.  :-)