10 things i was never told about pregnancy, birth & beyond

Warning: If you have a queasy stomach or are just the type of person that considers specific recountings surrounding pregnancy and birth to be TMI, this is probably not the post for you to read!  OK, I gave you the heads-up.  Consider yourselves warned! (wink)

My husband and I are currently expecting Baby #4!  Now to some, that appears to be a sign that I must have had three amazingly easy and fun previous pregnancies to want to do this all over again. And honestly there have been quite a few women over the years who have told me that they “loved everything” about being pregnant, having a newborn, etc.  Now, maybe it was totally true in their case or maybe they say “everything” meaning “most things” or many things” or maybe they have selective amnesia and have forgotten the negatives, which we all seem to do to a certain degree or other…  But I for one will state upfront that there were things about pregnancy and beyond that were NOT a walk in the park, at least in my experience (and on that subject, a walk in the park with kids isn’t always a walk in the park, either!).  So, was it worth going through it all in pregnancy, birth and beyond?  YES, definitely, no question about it!  And I’m sure this fourth will be no exception.  As with most things in life, the sweetest memories are usually that much sweeter because of the tough road we’ve walked (or crawled) to get there. 

Confession: the title of this post is a bit of a misnomer, because I’m sure I had been told some or perhaps even most of these things before, but I guess they just hadn’t fully registered and thus caught me off-guard in at least one of my pregnancy/birth experiences.  So, perhaps you will be able to relate to some of these from your own experience, or maybe you are naively (like I was) not even considering these to be issues, or perhaps you’re just plain curious… Whatever your situation, I’m hoping this list makes for an entertaining read at least! So here we go:

1. Morning (aka “all day”) Sickness: Of course I had heard of it, who hasn’t?  “Half of all pregnant women suffer from nausea during the first trimester.” Bla, bla, bla.  I seriously thought it was a little bit made up, exaggerated, and with a little psychology it wouldn’t affect me. Good one! During basically the whole first trimester of each pregnancy (including this one), I’ve felt sick. Now I’ve only very rarely vomited while pregnant and I’ve always tried to eat as balanced as possible, because I’d convince myself that the baby needed for me to keep down whatever I could swallow. But boy, all I’ve wanted to do each time was live in a world comprised solely of saltines, Sprite and a bed. And a bucket, just in case… But, on the plus side, it’s always been a good sign that the pregnancy is progressing well. (smile)

2. The Nose Knows: The uncanny ability while pregnant to identify any scent within a mile radius, even with a cold.  Probably not scientifically proven to be quite that keen, but it sure feels like that to me at least. At any rate, it would be a kind of fun super-power at any other point in life, but given the aforementioned problem of the “morning” sickness during that 1^st trimester…not so great to have an amazing sniffer. (True story: the way I discovered this talent during my first pregnancy was that while walking to the store all of the sudden I knew there was a cat around because I could smell it, and sure enough, about a block down the road there was a cat in a tree over the sidewalk! And this coming from someone who had basically no sense of smell prior to pregnancy. Talk about weird!)

3. Afterpains:  OK, birthing pains I obviously expected and was semi-ready for (as much as you can be!), but I had no idea how much cramping can go on in the hours and days after the baby is born!  After my first labor, I really didn’t notice much.  But after my second, I said, “Why on earth am I still having hard contractions??”  The nurse then informed me that it gets worse with each birth. (I then decided 2 kids were enough, but you know, selective amnesia… smile.)  And that nurse was right: a few hours after my third baby was born, my reaction was something like, “OH MY….!!!  Give me something, NOW!!!”  And the next 48 hours were like that, constantly needing pain meds.  So… needless to say, I’m already trying to psychologically prepare myself for 7 months from now when #4 is born. (smile)

4. Hemorrhoids:  Seriously???  Yep, pushing during labor is hard work.  Ay ay ay.  Anyway, ‘nuff said.  

5. Slooooooow Gut:  After having my first baby, those intestines took a while to get all situated and back to normal.  Annoyingly slow to say the least and usually causing a looong bathroom trip to coincide with a very fussy, hungry baby just waking up and now screaming in Daddy’s arms = heaps of fun and a relaxing experience for everyone involved (sarcasm alert!).  The upside, at least in my experience, is that my insides have bounced back into working order more quickly after each birth experience. So, there’s hope!

6. Post-Baby B.O.:  So, during pregnancy, as already explained, I could smell anything and everything around, but, after having my 3^rd baby it was me that smelled!  Stunk, more like.  Not for too long though, because I caught on pretty quickly (those amazing sniffer abilities linger for several months at least postpartum), so I switched deodorant brands asap.  But seriously, hormonal changes or whatever caused it, I’d never smelled so bad in my life, not even during my basketball-playing years.  After fixing the problem I felt like throwing away all of my clothes, just for fear that laundry detergent wouldn’t get the stench out!

7. New Mommy Forgetfulness:  Besides general mommy brain which as far as I can tell never goes away after entering mommyhood (aka “what on earth did I come into the kitchen for??), immediately after giving birth I had a different kind of forgetfulness.  I would be wondering, “Why is my baby crying like this??” but overlook obvious explanations that I could have even pointed out to others with newborns (he’s colicky because of specific food mom ate, she’s uncomfortable because she still hadn’t burped, etc.).  I’ve seen that in other moms too, even professionals in the medical world.  New Mommy Sleep-Deprived Brain, I guess.  Which leads me to:

8. Red-Eye Special:  I’m amazed how a person who “needed” nine hours of sleep each night can actually change to the point where we function on 2 or 3 or 4 hours of sleep (plus an occasional nap!) for weeks or months!  And how each adjustment down the road (5 hours, 6 hours, finally 7 hours of straight sleep, imagine that!), is just barely enough to keep going.  It’s incredible to me how God created our bodies to adjust to that sleep-deprived state and actually function (well, to a certain degree)!

9. Daddy Glow:  OK, on the total plus side now of the “surprises”. I’ve always loved my man, but oh my goodness, I’ve fallen even deeper in love with him each time he’s held one of our newborns, seeing his face glowing with joy & love (and usually tears)!  Watching my love be a Daddy is definitely the sweetest thing ever…

10. Love at First Sight:  It is absolutely incredible to me how much you can love someone you just met. Feeling the baby kicking inside is such a special, unique experience and was as wonderful as I had imagined.  But I really had NO clue how amazing and breath-taking it would be to hold my baby for the first time.  And each time, it has been that same, amazing experience. Precious, priceless, unlike anything else in the world…. And immediately following each birth, we’ve wondered how our lives and family were ever complete without this newest, God-given, little bundle of joy!

Now, this list is in no way exhaustive, but 10 just seemed like a nice round number.  And the only reason it has more negative than positive points is because I’m just highlighting certain things that surprised me (the positive feelings and memories accompanying pregnancy and having a newborn were expected!).

Mommyhood isn’t something you can really prepare for, at least not totally, but rather something you grow into through the process. I’ve had friends who have said things like, “Sleep is too important to me, so I couldn’t be a mom,” or “I really need my space, so I don’t want to have kids.”  Those types of comments really sadden me. On the one hand I understand them (of course I can relate to needing/wanting sleep and space), but on the other hand what you gain in love, joy, learning and growth infinitely outweighs anything you give up… Not because it’s always fun and easy (many times just the opposite), but it’s most definitely always 1000% worth it!!!  And it really only gets better and better each day as I watch our little ones grow and interact with the world around them…  Motherhood really is an indescribable experience in so many ways; there just aren’t enough words to do it justice….

So, hang in there, new and soon-to-be mommies!! 

¿me podría dar un poco de agua?

Aprendí una lección cultural y espiritual en estos últimos días:

Hace un par de semanas, mientras regaba en frente de la casa, un grupo de niños iba pasando y se notaba que habían estado jugando a fútbol, y uno de ellos se me acercó y me pidió agua.  Me pilló totalmente por sorpresa y no estaba segura de lo que quería decir. “¿Cómo?” le dije.  Y me volvió a preguntar: “Por favor, ¿puedo tomar un poco de agua de su manguera?”  Le respondí que por supuesto que podía, así que bebió un poco, me dio las gracias y se fue con su grupo de amigos.

Me sorprendió ese día encontrarme con esta costumbre que no había visto antes aquí: Si tienes sed y ves a alguien regando, puedes pedirle agua, y eso es algo normal.  ¡Qué genial!  Como yo había vivido en apartamentos casi toda mi vida, esto fue algo nuevo para mí.

¿Me puede dar un poco de agua?  Es una petición tan básica, pero con aplicaciones profundas...  

Después de esa experiencia, decidí que nunca más quería que alguien me pillara por sorpresa con esa pregunta, y al mismo tiempo quería hacer el esfuerzo de sonreírles a los niños y jóvenes que pasan caminando en el calor del verano después de practicar los deportes, para que sintieran la libertad de acercarse. Me comprometí a ser más consciente de los que pasan por en frente de nuestra casa cuando estoy regando y a prestarles atención a aquellos que podrían tener sed, incluso antes de que pidieran agua. O por lo menos esa era mi intención.

Unos días más tarde, estaba regando de nuevo y atenta (más o menos) por si pasaban jóvenes deportistas.  Pero al mismo tiempo estaba distraída pensando en todas las cosas que tendremos que hacer en los próximos meses, pensando en los proyectos y sueños para este año que viene...  Bueno, honestamente habían empezado como pensamientos y planificaciones, pero rápidamente pasaron a ser estrés y preocupaciones (esa transición mental es una tendencia frecuente mía).

Bueno, mientras regaba y me preocupaba, de reojo vi a dos mujeres jóvenes, de unos 18-20 años, caminando hacia mí por la acera (vereda). Incluso a la distancia podía escuchar su conversación alta y molestosa: “¿Sabes lo que quiero decir? Es que él no me entiende. BLA BLA BLA.” “Sí, te entiendo perfectamente. BLA BLA BLA.”  Venían hacia mí, casi gritándose al hablar, ocupando toda la acera y aparentemente inconscientes de cualquier persona o cosa a su alrededor. Qué típico, pensé. Ellas son el centro de su propio universo, con la última moda y sus conversaciones tan importantes.

Cuando casi llegaban a donde yo estaba, hice el esfuerzo de salir completamente de su camino, casi pisando el césped (pasto) que estaba regando, y evité mirarles a la cara.  No porque me sentía intimidada, sino simplemente porque yo estaba haciendo lo mío y ellas iban en lo suyo, así que quería asegurarme de que no nos molestáramos.

Hasta ese punto, yo había sido muy constante con lo de sonreírles a las personas que pasaban caminando, pero dudaba que estas dos jóvenes habrían visto mi sonrisa, así que no me molesté en ofrecérsela.  Sin embargo, cuando estaban a un par de metros, ¡me di cuenta de que una de las jóvenes seguía caminaba directo hacia mí!  ¡¿Qué?! Les di básicamente todo el espacio disponible para pasar, ¿¿pero aún así va a invadir mi espacio súper-reducido con su actitud prepotente e inconsciente del mundo a su alrededor??

De repente, mis pensamientos de juicio fueron interrumpidos por una voz: “¿Me podría dar un poco de agua?”  Levanté la vista rápidamente, sorprendida una vez más por la misma pregunta. “¿¿Qué??”  Al escuchar la palabra salir de mi boca, me di cuenta de que mi tono puede haber comunicado frustración por la interrupción, cuando en realidad sólo estaba sorprendida y dudaba de que ella realmente me estuviera hablando a mí.

“¿Me podría dar agua, por favor?” Me preguntó de nuevo la joven, sin molestarse con el tono de mi respuesta. “¡Por supuesto, sin problema!”, le contesté con más entusiasmo esta vez. En lugar de beberla, metió su mano en el agua y procedió a mojarse el pelo y los bordes de la cara con el agua.  “¡Muchas gracias! ¡Es un día de mucho calor!” me dijo, antes de continuar con su amiga y su conversación en voz muy alta.  “De nada!” le respondí automáticamente, mientras pensaba: Nota a mí misma: Incluso las personas que parecen tener todo resuelto en la vida siguen necesitando agua a veces.

¿Me podría dar un poco de agua?  ¡Que vergüenza me da! La gente no debería tener que acercarse a mí, con mi espalda hacia ellos, y entrar en mi mundo, interrumpiendo mis pensamientos de preocupación, para pedirme agua.  Yo debería ser amigable y consciente de aquellos que podrían tener sed o la necesidad de refrescarse. Debería estar luchando contra la tendencia de estresarme con pensamientos no productivos, no sólo porque nada bueno proviene de la preocupación o el estrés, sino también porque las oportunidades para ser de bendición se pierden cuando malgasto el tiempo en ese mundo negativo de la mente.

Y por supuesto que no estoy hablando sólo de dar de beber agua física u ofrecer una manera de refrescarse un poco en un día caluroso de verano. Más que nada me estoy refiriendo a ofrecer agua viva a los que me rodean, con mis palabras, sí, pero también con mis actitudes y acciones:

Dios dijo: “Mi pueblo… me han abandonado a mí, fuente de agua viva, y han cavado sus propias cisternas, cisternas rotas que no retienen agua.”(Jeremías 2:13)  Mi estrés, preocupación y egocentrismo no puede retener agua , ni para mí ni para nadie más.  Son una pérdida de tiempo y energía, algo sin sentido, al igual que una cisterna rota.

Jesús le respondió a la mujer samaritana en el pozo: “Si supieras lo que Dios puede dar, y conocieras al que te está pidiendo agua, tú le habrías pedido a él, y él te habría dado agua viva.” (Juan 4:10) ¡Si sólo abriéramos nuestros ojos, Dios está gratuitamente y generosamente ofreciéndonos de Su agua viva y eterna, todos los días!

No sólo eso, sino que Él desea que Su fuente eterna se convierta en parte de lo que somos nosotros también: “De aquel que cree en mí, como dice la Escritura, brotarán ríos de agua viva.” (Juan 7:38)

No puedo producir este río de agua viva en mí misma. No tengo suficiente dentro de mí por mi propia cuenta para poder derramar sobre los que me rodean. Fácilmente me quedo seca. Yo no soy una fuente de por mí misma.

“Como el ciervo brama por las corrientes de agua, así clama por ti, Dios, el alma mía.  Mi alma tiene sed de Dios, del Dios vivo.” (Salmo 42: 1-2)  Sólo Dios puede realmente satisfacer, sólo Él puede saciar mi sed y sólo Él puede ayudarme a ser un manantial de agua que bendice a mi familia, amigos, vecinos y los demás a mi alrededor. Quiero ser de bendición, quiero ayudar a saciar la sed de los demás, y para hacerlo necesito más de Él. Necesito estar siempre conectada a la Fuente Verdadera.

Dios, ¿me podrías dar un poco de agua?

may I have some water?

I learned a cultural and spiritual lesson recently:

A couple of weeks ago, while I was watering the grass by the sidewalk, a group of kids walked by who had just been playing soccer, and one of them approached me and asked if he could have some water.  It caught me totally off-guard and I wasn’t sure what he meant, so I said, “Excuse me?” He asked again, “Please, may I have a drink of water from your hose?” I answered that of course he could!  So he drank a little and left gratefully.

I felt humbled, having encountered a cultural custom I hadn’t seen before here: If you’re thirsty and see someone watering their lawn, you can ask them for a drink, and that’s a normal thing. How cool!  Having grown up in apartment complexes, this was something I had never encountered this way.

May I have some water? Such a basic request, but with deep applications…  

After that experience, I decided that not only did I not want to get caught off-guard by that kind of question again, but that I wanted to purposefully smile at any kids walking home in the summer heat after sports events, thus welcoming possible requests.  I committed to be more aware of those passing on the sidewalk by our house when I’m watering, and notice those who might be in need of water before they even ask.  Or so I thought.

Several days later, I was watering and (kind of) on the lookout for soccer players walking by, but at the same time I was lost in thought: I was thinking about all of the things we’ll need to do in the next few months, about projects and dreams for this next year… Basically, I had started out thinking and planning, but quickly moved into more of a stressing and worrying phase (which is a frequent tendency of mine).

So, while watering/worrying, out of the corner of my eye I saw two young women in their late-teens/early twenties walking on the sidewalk, heading in my direction. Even from a distance, I could hear their loud, obnoxious conversation: “You know what I mean? He just doesn’t understand me. BLA BLA BLA.”  “Yeah, I totally know what you mean. BLA BLA BLA.”  They were walking toward me, almost yelling, taking up the whole sidewalk and seemingly oblivious to anything or anyone around them.  Typical, I thought. They are the center of their own universe, with their latest fashion styles and important conversations.

As they approached our house, I made a point of stepping closer to the edge of the sidewalk, almost standing on the grass, and avoided making eye-contact with them. Not because I felt intimidated, but simply because I was doing my own thing and they were doing their own thing, so I wanted to be sure to we weren’t in each other’s way. 

I’d been pretty consistent about smiling at people who walked by on the previous few days, but these two individuals, it seemed, wouldn’t have even seen my smile, so I didn’t bother.  As they came within a few feet, though, I noticed that one of the young ladies was still walking right towards me! What on earth?! I gave them basically the whole sidewalk, and she’s still going to invade my reduced space with her self-important, oblivious-to-the-world-around-her attitude??

All of the sudden, my judging was interrupted by a voice: “May I have some water?” I looked up from my task at her, stunned by that same question yet again.  “What??” As I heard the word leave my mouth, I noticed that my tone may have conveyed exasperation at being interrupted, when in actuality I was just so surprised and doubting that she was even talking to me on purpose. 

“Could I have a little water, please?” the young lady asked again, undaunted by the tone of my response. “Of course, no problem!” I replied more enthusiastically this time. Rather than drink it, she stuck her hand into the water flow and proceeded to wet her hair and cool the edges of her face with it.  “Thanks so much! It’s such a hot day!” She said, before continuing on with her friend and their loud conversation. I answered with an automatic, “You’re welcome!” while to myself I was thinking, Note to self: Even those who seem to have it all together still need water sometimes.

May I have some water?  Shame on me!  People shouldn’t have to approach me with my back turned to them and enter into my world, interrupting my stressing and worrying, in order to ask for water. I should be aware, on the lookout for those who might be thirsty or in need of cooling off, welcoming them with a friendly smile.  I should be fighting against the urge to be preoccupied with other, non-productive thoughts, not just because nothing good comes from worry or stress but also because opportunities to be a blessing are lost when I choose to waste time in that negative world of the mind.

And of course I’m not just talking about giving a drink or a providing a way to cool off a bit on a hot summer day. I’m mostly referring to offering living water to those around me, by my words, yes, but also by my attitudes and actions:

God said: “My people…have forsaken Me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” (Jeremiah 2:13)  My stress, worry and self-centeredness cannot hold any water, not for me and not for anyone else. They are a waste of time and energy, pointless, just like a broken cistern.

Jesus answered the Samaritan woman at the well: “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water.” (John 4:10)  If we would just open our eyes, God is freely, generously offering us His eternal, living water, on a daily basis!

Not only that, but He desires that His eternal source become a part of who we are too: “Whoever believes in Me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” (John 7:38) 

I cannot produce this river of living water in myself.  I don’t have enough within me on my own to pour out onto those around me. I easily run dry.  I am not a source in and of myself.

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” (Psalm 42:1-2)  God alone can truly satisfy, He alone can quench my thirst, and He alone can help me to be a spring of water that pours blessings out on my family, friends, neighbors, and world. I want to bless, I want to help quench others’ thirst, and in order to do that I need more of Him.  I need to always be connected to the True Source.

God, may I have some water?

victim or victor?

Soon after sharing about my hearing problems in a post a couple months ago, the subject came up in a conversation with a few friends: We were talking about a mutual friend who has ear issues, including tinnitus (ringing in the ears), and in that context someone asked me if I ever had ringing in my ear, since I have hearing loss. I replied that I do pretty consistently, but that I was used to it by now. They all seemed surprised, but then we started talking about other things and the topic changed.

I didn't really think about that conversation again until about a week ago when I was trying to take a nap and the ringing in my ear wouldn't let me fall asleep. (This happens to me fairly often, especially if I have a lot on my mind, am stressed or upset, all of which make the ringing worse, so over the years I have grown to just associate the tinnitus with those aggravating factors and somehow forgot that not everyone has ringing when they are stressed or upset, etc. and that it’s actually a problem.)  On this particular day, after getting up from my non-nap, my hubby asked me why I hadn't been able to sleep. I realized that I usually answer that question with something like, "my mind wouldn't stop", which to me includes that annoying noise which feels like it's produced by my mind, but wouldn't necessarily mean that to anyone else. So I decided to specify this time and said, "The ringing in my ear wouldn't let me sleep". This surprised my husband, who hadn’t known in these 8 1/2 years of marriage that tinnitus is something I deal with on a regular basis!

How could he have known? I honestly had never thought to express it! It's something that I’ve lived with for most of my life, but don't notice as weird or consciously think about (and actually, thinking about it makes it louder).  It's not something that’s devastating or painful, but it is sometimes annoying, aggravating, stressful, and can lead to loss of sleep and irritability.

Thinking about this over the last week, I’ve known many people who treat disabilities or physical/mental/emotional issues with one of two extreme positions:

- On the one side are those who define their lives (or others’) by their disabilities, illnesses, etc. Basically, you are your weakness, maybe not verbalizing it in that way, but that’s how they act and relate to others. These individuals seem to be perpetual victims of their limitations, tendencies, personalities or disorders, and encourage others to do the same.  They filter everything through their problems.

- On the other side, there are those who say you have to pray or positive-talk problems away, or else ignore them: “Any sickness, disability, limitation is bad”, “God's desire is that you never get sick or have struggles”, “If you would just stay positive or ignore the negative it will go away”, “If you are sick/disabled then you either don't have enough faith in God or in your own mental will-power to make yourself better”.... and so on.

Now, I am a firm believer in the absolute power of God. He is able to heal. I have prayed for healing and seen healing many times. But the truth is that sometimes He doesn't heal, for reasons He alone knows. Paul tells us as much in when he says that he begged God three times to remove a personal physical problem, and God's answer was, "My grace is sufficient for you, because My power is made perfect in weakness." Sometimes our weaknesses, our disabilities, are what broadcast His power best.  With as long and hard as I’ve prayed (and others have prayed) over my ear problems, I believe that at least for now it fits this category and I cling to the promise that His strength is perfected in my weakness.

At the same time, recognizing and accepting that sometimes physical/emotional ailments are a part of His will for my life doesn’t mean that I should adopt a victim mentality.  I don’t define myself by my ear problems or other difficulties, but rather by the fact that I am His daughter, I am redeemed, He has a plan for me, and He works everything together for my good.

When Jesus prayed at Gethsemane and asked His Father if there was any other way, if this cup of suffering that He was about to drink could pass from Him, the answer was no, there was no other way.  This was how it had to be: through weakness, suffering, and death, ultimate power and life would be revealed.  It seems so backwards, so contradictory, even hateful of God the Father to treat His Son like that!

But God’s love and perfect will are beyond anything we can understand or imagine. He allowed suffering to bring healing and life, He used humbling to ultimately exalt, and He continues doing so to this day.  It didn’t seem like it on Good Friday, but the Victory was already in progress!

So, each day I have a choice (and so do you): I can choose to ignore my problems, or to become a victim of my problems, or to deal with and live in victory despite my problems (and many times because of them!).

I, for one, choose to not live in denial of my struggles or define myself by my limitations either, but to live in God’s power in and through any difficulty. If He desires to heal my ear of this ringing that affects my sleep and stress levels, I fully accept that and will continue to pray for this while looking into possible treatment options! But if He doesn’t heal in this area and there is no treatment that works, I will still live in victory and testify to His love.  God is good, and any struggle He allows is for a purpose, for my growth, for His glory and for the blessing of those around me. I don’t want to lose sight of those opportunities by ignoring them or by taking on a ‘woe is me’ attitude.

His grace is sufficient for you too, and His power is made perfect your weakness.  Your physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual struggles are not beyond His loving reach!  In Him there is hope and eternal purpose!  For those of us who have already accepted God’s salvation in Jesus, let’s be His vessels of hope and grace to those around us, as most probably have personal struggles we know nothing about. In 2015, let's share His truth and love with them, not because we’ve got it all together, but because He does! 

Happy New Year!

¿víctima o vencedor?

Hace un par de meses compartí en una entrada sobre mis problemas de audición, y poco después el tema surgió de nuevo en una conversación con unos amigos: Estábamos hablando de una amiga en común que tiene problemas de oído, incluyendo el tinnitus (zumbido en los oídos), y en ese contexto alguien me preguntó si alguna vez he sufrido de zumbido en mi oído, ya que tengo pérdida de audición. Le contesté que sí me pasa de forma bastante cotidiana, pero que ya estaba acostumbrada a ese ruido. Todos parecían estar sorprendidos, pero luego empezamos a hablar de otras cosas y cambiamos de tema.

Realmente no volví a pensar en esa conversación hasta hace una semana cuando estaba tratando de tomar una siesta y el zumbido en mi oído no me dejaba dormir. (Esto me sucede con bastante frecuencia, especialmente si tengo mucho en la cabeza, si estoy estresada o molesta por algo, y esos factores hacen que el zumbido sea peor. Por eso con el paso de los años he llegado a asociar el tinnitus con esos otros factores y de alguna manera se me había olvidado que no todos sufren con ruido en el oído cuando están estresados o enojados, etc., y que en realidad es un problema.) En este día en particular, después de mi intento no exitoso de siesta, mi esposo me preguntó por qué no había podido dormir. Me di cuenta de que por lo general respondo a esa pregunta con algo como: "Porque mi mente no paraba", que para mí incluye también ese ruido molestoso casi parece ser producido por mi mente, pero no necesariamente lo entendería así otra persona. Así que decidí ser más específica en esta ocasión y le contesté: "No me dejaba dormir el zumbido en mi oído". Esto sorprendió mucho a mi marido, ¡porque después de ocho años y medio de matrimonio no sabía que el tinnitus es algo que me afecta de forma habitual!

¿Y cómo iba a saberlo él?  Honestamente, ¡nunca se me había ocurrido expresarlo! Es algo con lo cual he vivido la mayor parte de mi vida, pero no me había dado cuenta de lo raro que es ni pensaba en el ruido conscientemente (y, de hecho, pensar en ello hace que lo escuche más fuerte). No es algo que sea devastador ni doloroso, pero a veces es molestoso y estresante, y obviamente puede llevar a la pérdida de sueño e irritabilidad.

Pensando en esto durante la última semana, he conocido a muchas personas que tratan a discapacidades o problemas físicos-mentales-emocionales con una de dos posiciones extremas:

- Por un lado están aquellos que definen sus vidas (o las de otras personas) por sus discapacidades, enfermedades, etc. Básicamente, ellos son su debilidad, tal vez no diciéndolo de esa manera, pero así es como actúan y se relacionan con los demás. Estas personas parecen ser víctimas perpetuas de sus limitaciones, tendencias, personalidades o trastornos, y animan a otros a hacer lo mismo.  Todo lo filtran a través de sus problemas.

- Por otro lado, hay quienes dicen que tienes que orar o hablar positivamente para que desaparezcan tus problemas, o bien ignorarlos totalmente: “Cualquier enfermedad, discapacidad o limitación es malo”, “El deseo de Dios es que nunca te enfermes o tengas luchas”, “Si sólo mantuvieras una actitud positiva o ignoraras lo negativo, desaparecería el problema”, “Si estás enfermo/discapacitado, entonces o bien no tienes suficiente fe en Dios o no tienes suficiente fuerza de voluntad mental para mejorarte”.... y así sucesivamente.

Ahora, yo creo firmemente en el poder absoluto de Dios. Él es capaz de sanar. He orado por la sanidad y lo he visto pasar muchas veces. Pero la verdad es que a veces Dios no sana, por razones que sólo Él conoce. Pablo nos expresa esto mismo cuando cuenta que él le pidió a Dios tres veces que le quitara un problema físico personal que tenía, y la respuesta de Dios fue: "Mi gracia es suficiente para ti, porque mi poder se perfecciona en la debilidad." A veces nuestras debilidades, nuestras discapacidades, son lo que mejor transmiten Su poder. Con los años y la intensidad que he pasado orando (y otros conmigo) sobre mis problemas de oído, sinceramente creo que por ahora esta situación entra en esta categoría y me aferro a la promesa de que el poder de Dios se perfecciona en mi debilidad.

Al mismo tiempo, reconocer y aceptar que a veces problemas físicos-emocionales son parte de Su voluntad para mi vida no significa que debería adoptar una mentalidad de víctima. No me defino por mis problemas en el oído u otras dificultades, sino más bien por el hecho de que soy hija de Dios, soy redimida, Él tiene un plan para mí y hace que todo obre para mi bien.

Cuando Jesús oró en Getsemaní y le rogó a Su Padre si había alguna otra manera, si podía evitar esa copa de sufrimiento que estaba a punto de beber, la respuesta fue no, no había otra manera. Debía pasar así: a través de la debilidad, el sufrimiento y la muerte, serían revelados el poder absoluto y la vida eterna. ¡Parece tan al revés, tan contradictorio, parece incluso ser una actitud odiosa por parte de Dios Padre al tratar a Su Hijo de esa manera!

Pero el amor de Dios y Su perfecta voluntad van más allá de cualquier cosa que podamos entender o imaginar. Dios permitió el sufrimiento para traer sanidad y vida, utilizó la humillación para finalmente traer exaltación, y sigue trabajando de estas formas hoy día.  Seguramente en el Viernes Santo no parecía estar pasando nada bueno, ¡pero la Victoria ya venía en camino!

Por eso, cada día tengo una opción (y tú también la tienes): Puedo optar por ignorar mis problemas o convertirme en una víctima de mis problemas, o puedo hacerlos frente y vivir en victoria a pesar de mis problemas (¡y muchas veces incluso gracias a ellos!).

Yo, por mi parte, escojo no vivir negando la existencia de mis luchas ni definiéndome por mis limitaciones tampoco, sino que decido vivir en el poder de Dios, a pesar de y través de cualquier dificultad. Si Dios quiere sanar mi oído de este zumbido que afecta mi sueño y produce estrés, acepto plenamente Su sanidad y continuaré orando por esto, mientras también investigo posibles opciones de tratamiento. Pero si Él no me sana en esta área y no encuentro tratamiento que me funcione, seguiré viviendo en victoria y dando testimonio de Su amor. Dios es bueno, y cualquier lucha que Él permite en mi vida tiene un propósito, es para mi crecimiento, es para Su gloria y para la bendición de los que me rodean. No quiero perder esas oportunidades para bien al negar que haya una lucha o al tomar una actitud de 'pobre de mí'.

La gracia de Dios es suficiente para ti también, y Su poder se perfecciona en tu debilidad.  ¡Tus luchas físicas, emocionales, psicológicas o espirituales no están más allá del alcance de Su amor!  ¡En Él hay esperanza y propósito eterno! Para los que hemos aceptado la salvación de Dios en Jesús, seamos portadores de Su esperanza y gracia para los que nos rodean también, los cuales seguramente tengan luchas personales que desconocemos. En el 2015, compartamos la verdad y el amor de Dios con las personas que ha puesto en nuestras vidas, no porque tengamos todas las respuestas, sino porque Él sí las tiene! 

¡Feliz Año Nuevo!

el campo más verde - una lección sobre el contentamiento

Caigo mucho en el juego de hacer comparaciones, muchas veces subconscientemente: comparo mi vida con la de los demás, comparo mis hijos con otros niños, comparo el pasado con el presente o el futuro... Yo sé que no debería hacerlo, pero igual lo hago aveces, o muchas veces. Y la cosa es que la comparación sólo conduce a la frustración, al orgullo, a la preocupación..., realmente no conduce a nada en lo cual valga la pena gastar el tiempo.

Hay un dicho en inglés que se podría traducir como: “El campo de al lado siempre es más verde…”, que se refiere a la tendencia de no estar contentos con lo que tenemos…. Pero, ¿qué pasaría si yo tomara la decisión de no comparar el color de los campos? Porque, francamente, siempre habrá personas que tienen vidas más difíciles que la mía y otras personas con vidas más fáciles (o al menos aparentemente más fáciles), pero sinceramente, el punto no debería ser cuál es más o menos fácil. Yo no tengo que probarle nada a nadie, no se puede complacer a todo el mundo, siempre habrá más quehaceres de los que alcance cumplir durante el día, y siempre habrá muchas cosas en la vida que simplemente no puedo controlar. Y al comparar o tratar de alcanzar algún un estándar de ‘normalidad’ sólo me frustraré (y por tanto también afectará a mi marido y a nuestros hijos). Así que, lo que realmente debo hacer es sólo disfrutar de lo verde del ‘campo’ que se me ha regalado. Y honestamente, este campo es hermoso.

Me inspiran las personas  que conozco que realmente están luchando con situaciones difíciles, y sin embargo deciden no quejarse, sino que se esfuerzan por ver la belleza de su propio campo, incluso en las luchas. Realmente han aprendido a contentarse, y es inspirador ver que no juegan a la comparación, sino que más bien disfrutan de cada etapa por lo que es: tratar a cada día como un regalo, a cada niño como único, y a cada desafío como una oportunidad para crecer.

De la misma forma, no me quiero perder lo verde de mi campo durante esta etapa por estar comparándolo con otro campo. Esta etapa, este tono específico de verde, sólo ocurrirá una vez en la vida. Puede que esté viviendo situaciones difíciles o frustrantes, pero las bendiciones pesan más que las luchas, las oportunidades para sonreír son más numerosas que las decepciones, y los momentos de alegría brillan más que los momentos de tristeza.

Así que, en lugar de intentar cumplir algunos de los quehaceres de mi lista interminable, ahora mismo voy a pasar un par de horas este sábado disfrutando de ver dibujos animados (monitos) acurrucada con mis tres pequeños amorcitos.  ¡Porque el campo nunca ha estado tan verde, y estoy muy agradecida por lo que tengo!  ¡La vida es buena porque Dios es bueno!

the greenest grass – a lesson on contentment

I fall into the comparison game a lot, mostly subconsciously: comparing my life with others’, comparing my kids with other children, comparing the past with the present or future… I know I shouldn’t, but I do sometimes, or many times. And the thing is that comparison leads to frustration, pride, worry…, pretty much nothing actually worth spending time on.

“The grass is always greener on the other side…” But what if it isn’t? What if I purposefully decide to not compare? Because quite frankly, there will always be some that have it harder than I do and others that have it easier (or at least appear to), but honestly, harder or easier isn’t the point. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, I can’t please everyone, there are always more things ‘to-do’ during the day than I have time for, and there are so many things in life that I just can’t control anyway.  And comparing or trying to reach some sort of ‘normal’ standard will only frustrate me (and through that, my husband and children). So, I really just need to enjoy the greenness of the grass that I’ve been given. And really, this grass is beautiful.

I am inspired by those that I know who really are struggling with tough situations, and yet decide to not complain, but instead decide to see the absolute beauty of the grass they’ve been given, even in the struggles. They really have learned to be content, and it is inspiring to see them not play the comparison game but rather enjoy each stage for what it is: treating each day as a gift, each child as unique, and each challenge as an opportunity to grow.

Likewise, I don’t want to waste the greenness of my grass during this season by comparing it to another field. This season, this particular shade of green, will only happen once.  There may be difficult or frustrating things going on, but the blessings do outweigh the struggles, the opportunities to smile outnumber the disappointments, and the joys outshine the sorrows.  

So, rather than crossing off a few of the items on my never-ending to-do list right now, I’m going to spend a couple hours enjoying Saturday morning cartoons and snuggles with my three little love-bugs. Because the grass has never been this green, and I’m so grateful for what I have!  Life is good, because God is good!